Past and Future

First of all, I don't see myself as being Pro-ana or Mia. It is a disease that when I see it in my friends it scares me. I worry about young girls and boys getting wrapped up in all the pro sites, pictures and blogs I see. I suggest to anyone with an eating disorder to seek psychiatric help. That being said, I haven't
I didn't get started because it was glamorized or popular. In fact when I first found Ana and Mia i didn't know what an ED was. I was eleven and up until that point I was the super skinny tall girl. My body was the one thing I had as the poor kid at a super snotty, super rich private school that everyone envied. It became my identity. Until puberty struck and my perfect figure became covered in fat. I gained nearly fifty lbs over the corse of the fifth grade and by that summer i had had enough. I went on my first fast: 1/2 a banana for breakfast, 1/2 a dozen crackers for lunch, and a can of chicken noodle soup for dinner paired with 4 hours of execise each day. I lost 10 lbs that week. Happy with the results and missing my favorite foods I decided to cut back on the fasting and just exercise. Until two months later i hadn't lost anymore weight and, depressed, went on a binge and gained back half the weight.
Repeat that a few times a year and you have the story of my life right upto my January-Febuary 2010 diet. I was going to lose twenty lbs in two months to reach my goal weight. I was really psyched about it and started out great. I did a fast of a glass of OJ for breakfast, 1/2 can of tomato soup for lunch, and a small amount of whatever was for dinner since my parents no longer accept crazy food phases as an excuse to not eat with them. i did great the first week dropping 7 lbs and another 3 lbs the next week. But feeling weak, i began adding more and more food until I was eating more than before I started.
Just for perspective I am 5'8"and as of thismorning weigh 143lbs. As an aspiring model/actress I get turned down a lot due to my weight. When i go to castings I see the clients staring at my thighs and hear them whisper about my weight (when they don't come right out and say it). My own manager barely bothers with me and never promotes me at events like the thin girls. It's not my primary drive in losing weight and if I didn't have it I would come up with some other excuse as to why I needed to take the weight off but a career in fashion is a pretty good motivator.
My weight loss goals are two fold with two big dates looming: Graduation and College. Gaduation is May 14th. I will lose 20lbs by then. That's only ten lbs a month so it's no too daunting but after my last failure it's a little scary. My second goal is to preemptively fight the freshman 15. I'm going to wait until I've taken off the first twenty to decide exactly how much I will want to lose but based on the last time I came close to my goal weight it will probably be around 10 lbs which I need to drop before mid-August when i leave behind a fidge full of fresh fruit and a home gym for cafeterias and vending machines. Yikes!
Wish me luck cyberworld.