PMS

My laptop is broken. Isn't that lovely? So now I'm stuck sneaking on to the computer in the kitchen when no one's home. I'm still going to try to update somewhat regularly and keep reading blogs; I don't know if I could stay strong without them.
And I need strength right now. It's that time of the month when all that matters is shoving as much crunchy, fatty junk food down my throat as will fit. I'm depressed and bloated and all I want is to go on an uber binge. I feel like I haven't lost any weight. I know it's only been a week and I should be happy with what I've lost but it's like there's this all-consuming voice telling me that I've failed a million times before and I'm going to fail again so I might as well do what it is in my nature to do. God, what I would give for a big box of Captain Crunch. But I won't give my body.
Despite the raging hormones, my water fast went really well yesterday and now I'm back to liquid fasting. I weighed in at 136.4 this morning. I really want to be happy about that but I keep flashing back to like five years ago when I was hovering between 130 and 133 and that number would have made me sick. Albeit I was shorter then and it was before I got super fat again. Still I don't think I'll be happy until I see that fabled 129 that I could never seem to grasp even then. *sigh*
I'm hoping to see 127 by Easter. I've promissed myself that if I do, I can have a small portion of family brunch and dinner at the party we'll be at. I'm not exactly sure how I could get out of them if I don't so not getting caught provides a little extra motivation.
I still haven't told anyone I'm on a diet. Whenever I do, my mom starts asking if I'm on pills even though I've never used them (mainly because I don't have the cash) and everyone starts watching me eat and asking what I've eaten today. So I'm putting it off until someone asks and my family isn't very observant so it'll probably take another week or two of drastic weight loss to tip them off. I'm hoping it'll come up on Easter that way everyone will see me eat and not bug me as much.
Well, that's all for now my pretties.
Stay strong
<3 Ariana