Good- Sorta

Today, my family took a trip to a little beach town semi-near by for lunch. We went to a restaurant we only go to once a year so I did want to eat while I was there. So I skipped breakfast entirely, got a cheese burger, the best fires ever, and some gourmet ice cream (and didn't finish any of it but still ate a lot), then dinner was just a small bowl of fruit (negative calories!) and some crystal light. Plus a good deal of walking and some stretches and some time swinging. All in all, not too bad. Really good for eating out!
I found a new source of modivation last night. I realized that soon I'm going to see this girl B who I absolutely hate. We used to be friends because I took pitty on her cuz no one liked her. But it wasn't long before I realized why no one liked her. She's stupid, fat, lazy, whiney, cries a lot for no reason (and gets snot on you when she does EW!), and SHE DOESN'T BATHE!!! She constantly complains about her life but is always doing things she knows will make it worse just for the attention. Words can't describe what a pain in the ass she is. But before I knew all that I got a couple of my nicer friends to hang out with her too and she's invited to a couple of their graduation parties. Now, when I say she's fat I mean she is perfectly round and eats junk meals TEN times a day!!! Me, B, and my other friend who puts up with her C (yes, that makes us ABC lol) used to get together for sleep overs and B would eat more for breakfast than C and me put together the entire time we were together, then she wanted lunch two hours later. The three of us decided to lose weight together at the begining of the year. In January I lost 10 lbs, C lost 5, and B was so proud of her self because she lost 2 LBS! The whole month! And she celebrated with a foot long sub, chips, fries, and cookies! And that was just in the two hours we were together. Anyways, we got in a huge fight because she was being ridiculously bitchy and self-centered and after she made a huge scene in public I stopped talking to her. It's been four months since I last saw her and I want to be fucking skinny! I want to show that nightmare what real work'll get you. I'm not sure when one of the parties is but one is in two weeks so I'm fasting in some form or another every day til then.
Tomorrow is a fruit fast, maybe a little dairy and some crystal light but that's it. I have to admit it eventually, I'm back to a disqusting, sickening 140lbs! YUK! But I want to be bellow 135 by the party. I'm going to aim for 132 by June 12th!
Sorry this got a bit rambly.
Wish me luck, ladies. Think thin.
<3 Ariana

Whoosh!

That's how my head feels. All whoosh like :) I'm a little feverish on and off today and really tired after an extremely busy day at work and keep getting light headed from coughing fits and just started my period (it's been over two months and I have to say I was kind of proud when I never got it, like I was doing something right). After catching up on blogs I had another coughing fit and now feel pretty shitty and whoosh. So this is going to be short. I'll try to post what I was planning tomorrow or at least really soon.
I didn't eat at work today which I was proud of. I could have gotten one of the really decadent deserts today. I really wanted something cold on my throat and that was about all we had but I didn't have any. It probably doesn't sound all that impressive to anyone else but my will power has been so low lately and between stress, hormones, and a strong burning sensation in my throat I was proud to have just said no to food in general.
So that's the small little world of my throbbing head.
Be thin, dears.
<3 Ariana
p.s. being bloated and crampy my tummy is smaller than it was yesterday when I wasn't. Strange, huh?

Sick :(

Hello to my lovely new follower Alice D. (I love that name; it sounds like drugs ;P lol)
Well, yesterday's daytime water fast went well. I wound up eating probably around 500 calories at dinner :C but at least that's better than what I've been tending toward lately.
But this morning I woke up with a swollen throat and fever. Since I need to be able to work tomorrow I wound up foregoing the liquid fast. Instead I ate lots of soup (with noodles :( ) and popsicles and cold drinks. But it did mean that even though I didn't wind up going out I didn't have to eat a proper dinner!
Tomorrow I plan to have some eggs and fruit and grab some beef vegetable soup at work so there aren't any more horrible noodle infractions.
Also, I did something I realised I should have done months ago and bought some crystal light raspberry lemonade mix. No more wasteing 110 calories a glass! Just 5 calories and no sugar- B-E-A-Utiful!
I'll leave things there but I've got something special to tell you about tomorrow.
A demain, mes petites.
<3 Ariana

None Shall Pass!!!

First of all, a big hello to my beautiful new follower Hazel. I absolutely love your blog!


But on to business. I have basically done nothing all week but binge. I haven't had a single day under 1000 calories since the begining of the month and have been averaging probably between 2000 and 3000 whopping disgusting calories!!!!!!!! It has been unseasonably hot and humid this week and that means tons and tons of cookies breaking at work, melty, doughy ones like I love. But I found a wonderful way to motivate myself to cut down on the calories while reading Hazel's blog. Starting today I will be doing one conditioning exercise for every 5 calories I consume. 50 extra reps should make me think twice before I pick at one of those cookies!

I have two days off work now so I'm taking full advantage of the limited temptation surrounding me and doing a water fast today and a liguid fast tomorrow. I'll try to skip dinner if I can. I think I'm going out tomorrow night so I can most likely get away with just a protein shake. I'm not gonna mess this one up damn it! I have to get my self control back before I turn into a house.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

Be thin my pretties.
<3 Ariana

**Edit**
The post time says it was still last night when I posted but here it is morning.

Bad bad bad

In retrospect after an almost two-week binge maybe a water fast wasn't the best way to start off. I was so hungry! My stomach was growling when I got to work and I had a horrible head-ache. And low and behold we had a bunch of cookies break. I had four hours left to my shift and customers were a pain in the ass today; one of them took a whole FIFTEEN MINUTES to order two sandwiches!!!!!! Anyway, I wound up eating three!!! CRAP! They weren't even that good, no chocolate or anything but the texture and chewing were so good.
But tomorrow is a liquid fast. Much more manageable especially with an endless supply of coffee in the afternoon. So the plan is a little milk and lemonade through the day then lots of coffee when I get to work and some decaf for dinner. Then friday's water fast only lasts til dinner so that wont be too hard.
I wont fail again! I can't! Not one more solid object will pass my lips until Friday night. I swear.
Be skinny, lovelies.
<3 Ariana

I'm Back

I'm back on the blogosphere and so many things have changed!
Of course there's GRADUATING!!! I was bigger than I hoped but not as big as I could have been. There was a five course meal after! FIVE! How?! I had so many left overs. I'm still working on them.
I got a job too! It's at the cafe I meantioned a long time ago. I'm surrounded by delicious smelling/ looking (/tasteing) food all the time. I get free coffee and soup (yay!) and soda and broken cookies (yikes!) and discounted baked goods and huge cheesey entrees. I'm going to have to be extra strong if I'm not going to eat there but I will do it.
I also got some new shape-ups. I wear them at work where I'm constantly walking around and for the ten minute power walk to/from work I take when it's not raining or after dark.
I've been eating like crazy for nearly two weeks now. I'm not sure exactly how much weight I've gained but I've definitely got a lot of work to do. On the bright side, since I've been consuming so many calories it shouldn't be too hard to drop 5 lbs fast. I always go to the beach at the begining of July so my new goal is to reach 120 by the time I don that bikini in a month and a half.
I've been really looking forward to fasting again instead of dreading it like I had been recently. I've gotten binging out of my system for a while and I'm reved up to drop the gut I've been reunited with. I don't officially start fasting until wednesday. The plan is: Teus: Restrict- 1 left over cheese manicotti and breadstick to finish off the more expensive of the leftovers (the cheaper ones I'll just throw out), a cup of the soup of the day for dinner, and liquids not to exceed 1000 calories total; Wed: Water Fast- from the soup on Teusday to breakfast Thursday, maybe some milk after 1am thursday if I can't get to sleep; Thurs: Liquid Fast- straight through midnight, nothing but juice, coffee, milk, and water; Fri: Water Fast- I'll have to eat a little at dinner but nothing else. I'm working nights this week and next so I don't have to eat with my parents on the nights I work. I can claim to have eaten at work and have soup or skip dinner all together. (Ana is trying to help me fast!) I'll be fasting next week too then I'm thinking restrict for a week then fast another week.
I will be thin this summer!!!!!
<3 Ariana

Insanity

First, I'd like to give a big hello to my new follower, Liz! Welcome.
I'd also like to say sorry for the bad timing. I've been feeling extra unstable and obsessive lately. I've been writing it off as not being a big deal which maybe it's not. But after a fight with my mom it feels like a big deal now. A little background is needed here. My mom is bi-polar, I think. It could be something else along those lines but I've done a lot of research and started taking psych classes and bi-polar seems to fit her symptoms best. No matter what it is, she's got a serious problem and refuses to get help. She has these fits that can sometimes get violent and today she had a big one. Luckily, she had to leave for work but it had me really scared. It made me worry that I could wind up like her. My mind's been so out of control lately and now I'm afraid that even though my problems are completely different from hers I'm going to become as bad as her. I don't plan on stopping the dieting and blogging but I think it would be best to take a break. It's become my whole life lately (it's litterally all I do with my spare time) and I just need to prove to myself that I am capable of stopping and going back to the things I enjoyed before. I'll be trying to eat normally and balanced for a couple weeks (which unfortunately means I'll probably put on a couple lbs :( )and I might still read and comment on blogs but I probably wont blog very often. I had a fast planned for the 19th through the end of the month so I'll definitely be back then. Until then I wish everyone lots of loss.
Again, I'm sorry but I need to do this.
<3 Ariana

"You're so thin now"

For the very first time all year my mom complimented me. And it wasn't even a you've lost weight, it was a you are THIN. I think she might be starting to suspect an ED but then, she has decided I was anorexic when I've gained five lbs before. I never know how to take compliments from her since they're so rare.
Dispite what she says I feel HUGE!!! I've been binging a ton. I'm going to try to liquid fast Monday thru Friday.
Nothing much more to say. Think Thin!!
<3 Ariana

Disapointment

I feel so fat! I went to Starbucks with my mom today because she was hungry and I was in dire need of caffeine. Well, if you've ever looked at the calories at Starbucks you'll know you can barely walk in the place without gaining major pounds. Well I got a grande mocha, non fat, no whip of course and mom got a lemon loaf. My mom NEVER asks me if I want anything when we go out but today she asked me if I wanted a lemon loaf too. I really wanted to eat something because I felt weak and had a long day of shopping ahead of me so I wound up saying yes. I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT! And it wasn't even that good today but I ate the whole thing up like I hadn't had a bite to eat all week. I mean I devoured it. Then a few hours later I had a granola bar, another 130 calories! And then a hamburger- just the patty- with onions (neg calories!) and katsup with water. And all that was AFTER a yogurt, an egg, and whole wheat toast. The only good thing is my parents saw me eating all of it.
I don't want my parents to know I'm not eating because then they'll force me to eat. But I kind of wish they'd notice something. Notice I barely buy groceries anymore. Notice that the food I do get just sits there for weeks. Notice that the boxes of food may be open but that they're still 100% full. Most of all I just wish they would notice that my weight loss for this year is going on TWENTY LBS! They haven't said a single word about the seventeen lbs I've taken off. I've told them my clothes are too big. I'm wearing things that used to barely, if at all, fit. I'm wearing a size down in jeans. But still nothing. I guess I should be glad they're clueless, means I don't have to eat. But sometimes I wish they paid any attention to me.
Well that's enough self-pity I think. Think thin!
<3 Ariana