Skinny Jeans

A year ago I bought some skinny jeans that were really small on me. It's taken me all this time but I finally got them all the way on!
Still, I feel really fat. I had a java chip frappacino at Starbucks today and two cans of Mountain Dew. Worse, on the fourth I had two big pastries and a brownie hot fudge sunday heavy on the brownie. I'm really on the verge of going full on mia. I always feel sick after I eat but somehow can't stop it from going in my mouth. To make up for it I worked out for over two hours doing treadmill, bike, stretching, and various reps. I still feel gross. I wanted to buy all these cute shorts and pants today but I knew I'd look horrible in them all.
Food makes you ugly. I need to stop eating.
My friend C "used to be" anorexic. She still almost never eats. She's such an inspiration to me because she always resists food and works out for hours every day even if it means she doesn't have time to sleep. She just got home from a long trip and I'm going to see her tomorrow so I'm going to follow her lead and not eat any more than she does. If I only eat what and when she eats I'll probably come home only eating breakfast and dinner and around 300 calories in total.
I want my skinny clothes to fall off me. I want to be a skinny mini.
I'm ugly today because I ate. Tomorrow I'll try to be pretty like C and all of you, my thinspirational girls. Keep doing great and I promise I'll do better.
<3 Ariana